On Butchness

My ideal gender presentation would be like masculine looking women. I do seem to have leaned too hard into the butchness and now people just see me as a man which was novel and generative at first but now I’m like…. I would like to be seen as a woman sometimes. I think it’s my short hair and big belly. Anyways, Im growing my hair out anyways for practical reasons. I do think looking super gay is a bit of a liability under capitalism.

I have my doubts about my sexuality. Like I feel like I do fall in love with women but also sex has felt weird and awkward. But also I think sex always feels weird and awkward.

I think it’s more of not trusting my own desires and needing a deep emotional connection with someone before wanting to have sex with them.

Over the past year all of my partners have been women and I did enjoy sex with them. And like craved it so I think thats a pretty strong indicator that the desire is there. In my life the majority of people I’ve developed romantic feeling for have been women.